


Penis Music.mp4

by mari_oharas_lemons



Category: Persona 2, Persona 3, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: AU, Chaos, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Gay, Gen, Group chat, Hacking, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Memes, Stalking??, This is confusing, What Have I Done, a lot of memes, also they have enough chaos without adding in everybody else, and all i would do is bully him and it would get old fast, aslo i already have like 60 people in here i dont need another, bc im a horny son of a bitch im sorry, chaotic neutral, chat fic, does that make me a narcissist, dont think too hard about this, even though seeing katsuya white knight maya would be hilarious, everybody's gay, i dont update this as often as my request book sorry, i have to stop writing bc im laughing too hard at my own writing, i really dont know what to put here, i talk about sex a lot, i write this exclusively at night, im also not adding in the ep cast, im not adding the p4 cast im sorry i already have too many people here, im not sorry, im sorry im writing an essay in the tags dont kill me, jk there is none, jun is a bottom, junpei and chidori are really cute, ken also isnt here bc hes like ten, like seriously i link so many memes, makoto knows what memes are but she isnt good with them, maybe hell make a guest appearance who knows, minako is shy for once, minako just learned what simp means, morgana isn't here bc he's a cat, pining for love bb, ryoji has multiple social media accounts, ryoji is the most fun character to write in all of history period, ryoji sends dick pics to everyone, simp ryoji, third wheel lisa, this is like in between teen and mature but like it isnt quite either im sorry, to add to to the quality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mari_oharas_lemons/pseuds/mari_oharas_lemons
Summary: The characters of P2:IS, P3, and P5 have a group chat. It’s as a chaotic as it sounds
Relationships: Arisato Minako/Sanada Akihiko, Female Persona 3 Protagonist/Sanada Akihiko, Iori Junpei/Yoshino Chidori, Kirijo Mitsuru/Takeba Yukari, Kurosu Jun/Suou Tatsuya, Mayuzumi Yukino/Amano Maya
Comments: 20
Kudos: 67





	1. Sniffing out the Bottoms

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know what this is sorry

**Stupid fucking shits poo poo**

Akira: guys I have an idea

Akira: but i want y’all to be down with it before I do anything

Minato: okay I’m down what is it

Minako: what’s up chief beef

Akira: CHIEF BEEF JDJDJDJDJJDNJEKRQ

Minato: meat leader

Tatsuya: general protein

Minato: ew protein

Minako: stfu simp

Minato: I can and will end you you fucking slut

Minako: 👀👀👀

Minako: brother dearest,,, are you,,, confessing your love for me

Minato: WHAT NO

Minako: MINATO HAS AN INCEST KINK

Minato: NO I DONT YOU FUCKING CRANBERRY

Tatsuya: Im kinda glad that Katsuya is so much older than me that I don’t have to deal with this shit tbh

Minato: it’s not shit

Minato: fucker

Minako: ew simp

Akira: guys

Akira: let me give u my fucking idea

Akira: before I turn u all into simps

Minako: minato’s already a simp

Minako: so ur threat is useless

Akira: do u want me to limit u

Minako: do it pussy

Minako: bet u wont

Minako: asshole

**_Akira_ ** _has made “simp” a banned word_

Minako: wtf are you, a [censored]

Minako: [censored]

Minako: [censored]

Minato: Thanks for doing God’s work, Akira

Tatsuya: ^

Minako: S

Akira: OkAy so back to my plan

Minako: I

Tatsuya: Okay what is it

Minako: M

Minato: Minako don’t you fucking dare

Minako: P

Minako: @min.arisato check my above messages mwah

Akira: I will kick you Minako

Minako: Do it

Minako: S

Minako: I

Minako: M

Minako: P

**_Akira_ ** _has updated settings, messages now must be four characters long_

Akira: so, as I was saying

Minako: SIM*

Minako: PPPP

Akira: what if

Akira: we made a mega gc

Akira: with like,,, all of our friends

Akira: All of them

Minako: SIMM

Tatsuya: That has the potential to be quite chaotic

Minato: ^^

Minato: I’m down

Minako: me too, but mitsuru can kinda sorta be a 51mp so like,,, maybe,,, we should ask first

**_Akira_ ** _has made “51mp”, “s1mp”, and “5imp” banned words_

Minako: fuck u

Tatsuya: Yeah I'm not down for throwing everyone in a mega gc randomly

Tatsuya: I’ll ask on my end

Akira: Okay valid

**Sumaru City LGBT Organization, LLC**

Tatsuya: Theoretically, if I were to add you to a mega gc, would you guys be down for that

Yukino: How big are we talking

Tatsuya: Like upwards of thirty people

Yukino: Jfc that’s a lot

Maya: Who’d be in it?

Tatsuya: The PTs and SEES

Eikichi: Hell yeah I’m down

Lisa: this sounds like a recipe for spam

Lisa: fuck it, group chat time

Jun: If anything, that’s a lot of gays

Lisa: fuck it, sumaru city lgbt org extension time

Maya: I’m down! I might not be able to answer all the time though, work can be a bitch ;-;

Yukino: ^

Jun: I’m intrigued

Eikichi: Let’s go baby!

Tatsuya: Alright, epic

**🅱️ecialized 🅱️extracuricular 🅱️exacution 🅱️uad**

**_Minato_ ** _created a poll: Can I add you to a gc with the pts and tatsuya and co_

**_Minako_ ** _voted no_

Minako: sorry, i hate gcs :/

Minato: fuck u

 **_Junpei_ ** _voted yes_

 **_Yukari_ ** _voted yes_

 **_Aigis_ ** _voted yes_

 **_Akihiko_ ** _voted yes_

 **_Fuuka_ ** _voted yes_

Mitsuru: What am I getting myself into if I say yes

Minako: a hell of a good time

Yukari: i thought you said you weren’t joining, Minako??

Minako: i will destroy the very ground u stand on, simp

**_Mitsuru_ ** _voted yes_

Mitsuru: I’m afraid of what’ll happen if I say no

  
  


**Sojiro Sakura Fan Club**

Akira: I’m adding u guys to a gc with the Sumaru-ians and SEES, sorry if u dont want to join lol

  
  


**_AkiraKurusuwu_ ** _created a chat_

 **_AkiraKurusuwu_ ** _added_ **_Ryujii_ii, Anne_Takamaki, YusukeKitagawaArt, Niijima.Makoto, Alibaba, Haru.Floof, Tatsunya, min.arisato, mink.arisato_ ** _and_ **_AceDetective001_ **

**_min.arisato_ ** _added_ **_YukariTakebairl, Junpeinis, Aigis_Official, MitsuruKirijo, LilMissFuuka,_ ** _and_ **_Sanada.Akihik0_ **

**_Tatsunya_** _added_ **_LisaLisaLisaSilver, TheRealMichelFromGaschamber, MayaBunBun, Yuk1.n0,_ ** _and_ **_JunK_urosu_ **

**_AkiraKurusuwu_ ** _has changed the chat name to_ **_Penis Music.mp4_ **

**_AkiraKurusuwu_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_Sexy King_ **

**_min.arisato_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_Sharkboy_ **

**_Sharkboy_ ** _has changed_ **_mink.arisato_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Lavagirl_ **

Lavagirl: wtf u fucking fucker

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_YukariTakebairl_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Bottom_ **

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_MitsuruKirijo_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Top_ **

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_Junpeinis_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Simp_ **

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_Aigis_Official_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Samsung Galaxy S69_ **

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_LilMissFuuka_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Fuuka_ **

Lavagirl: i can’t hurt fuuka it’s legally not allowed :/

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_Sanada.Akihik0_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Beats Headphones_ **

Top: Change my name right now or there will be consequences

Lavagirl: wtf are you gonna do, punish me?

Top: Yes.

Bottom: kinky, can you punish me instead pls

Top: H

Top: Later

Sexy King: Kinky

Top: MINAKO CHANGE MY NAME RIGHT NOW

Lavagirl: [ whyareyoubooingme.jpg ](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/279/386/6aa.jpg)

**_Tatsunya_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_Chief Beef_ **

Lavagirl: HUERHUIFHRIULGHIRUEG

Sexy King: THAT’S MY TITLE U FUCKING ASSHOLE WIPE

Sharkboy: IT'S ACTUALLY MINE STOP CLAIMING SHIT FOR YOURSELF AKIRA

Chief Beef: ;-)

**_Chief Beef_** _has changed_ ** _JunK_urosu_** _’s_ _nickname to_ ** _Perfect Angel_**

Perfect Angel: Ily so much Tatsuya

Chief Beef: Ily more <3

**_Chief Beef_ ** _changed_ **_LisaLisaLisaSilver_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Third Wheel_ **

Third Wheel: y’all are so cute i’m-

Chief Beef: Sad that you’re single?

Third Wheel: no shit moron

**_Sexy King_ ** _has changed_ **_YusukeKitagawaArt_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Even More Perfect Angel_ **

Sexy King: Ily so much more than Tatsuya loves Jun Yusuke

Third Wheel: Press x to doubt

Lavagirl: x

Sharkboy: x

Top: x

Bottom: x

Chief Beef: x

Perfect Angel: x

**_Anne_Takamaki_ ** _has changed their nickname to_ **_disaster lesbian_ **

disaster lesbian: x

Even More Perfect Angel: x

Sexy King: Yusuke

Sexy King: What the fuck

Sexy King: I’m your boyfriend

Even More Perfect Angel: yes and?

Top: Wait why can Ann change her name but I can’t

Top: Do all the PTs have admin permissions?

disaster lesbian: i do, the rest of you don’t??

**_disaster lesbian_ ** _has changed_ **_Even More Perfect Angel_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Paintsexual_ **

disaster lesbian: see?

Top: Akira Kurusu give me admin privileges now

Sexy King: No

Sexy King: Wait why did Ann get admin privileges? It was only supposed to be me, Minako, Minato, and Tatsuya who had them

Bottom: smh exclusionist

**_disaster lesbian_ ** _no longer has admin privileges_

disaster lesbian: fuck

Sharkboy: Wait I have admin privileges

Sharkboy: Since when

Lavagirl: since always you dumb fucking simp

Lavagirl: why tf do u think u can change names

Lavagirl: fucking simp

Top: One of you guys change my nickname right fucking now

Sharkboy: Sorry, my hands are tied :/

Lavagirl: sorry i don’t care

Chief Beef: This is too funny lmao

Top: DONT MAKE ME SUFFER ALONE

Top: AT LEAST CHANGE EVERYBODY ELSE'S NICKNAME

Chief Beef: I’ve got you on that front hold on

**_Chief Beef_ ** _has changed_ **_TheRealMichelFromGaschamber_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Ice Age Baby_ **

**_Chief Beef_ ** _has changed_ **_Maya.BunBun’_ ** _s nickname to_ **_Sexy Step Sister_ **

**_Chief Beef_ ** _has changed_ **_Yuk1.n0_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Green Lesbian_ **

**_Sexy King_ ** _has changed_ **_Ryuj_iii’_ ** _s nickname to_ **_Rat Bastard_ **

**_Sexy King_ ** _has changed_ **_Niijima.Makoto’_ ** _s nickname to_ **_Normie_ **

**_Sexy King_ ** _has changed_ **_Alibaba_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Imouto_ **

**_Sexy King_ ** _has changed_ **_Haru.Floof_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Jeff Bezos_ **

**_Sexy King_ ** _has changed_ **_AceDetective001_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Ass Wipe_ **

Imouto: delete this

Sexy King: Delete yourself

Sexy Step Sister: Tatsuya I’m going to scream

Sexy Step Sister: What the fuck

Green Lesbian: What are you doing, step sis????!!

Green Lesbian: Guess I’m into incest now

Green Lesbian: I’m not gonna stop dating my gf just be she’s my step sister now

Third Wheel: i’m-

disaster lesbian: HDHDJDJIDJDJDJF

Lavagirl: h

Sharkboy: Roses are red, titties I touch, with all due respect what the absolute fuck

Ice Age Baby: I get on now?? And this is the first shit I see???

Imouto: consider yourself fucking lucky

disaster lesbian: okay, you and maya do be twinning doe 😳😳

Imouto: shut up

Rat Bastard: Holy fuck thank you for blessing my day like this Akira

Rat Bastard: This is gonna be so much fucking fun

Simp: RYUJIIIIII

Rat Bastard: IDK WHO YOU AREEEEE

Paintsexual: That’s Junpei

Rat Bastard: JUNPEIIII

Bottom: eww get a room

Chief Beef: I mean ur nickname is literally bottom so

Bottom: okay, but at least i embrace it, unlike jun

Perfect Angel: j

Lavagirl: yukari

Lavagirl: we don’t hurt jun

Rat Bastard: Please don’t break him he holds us together

Bottom: sex

Perfect Angel: ksksjdjdjdjd

Third Wheel: YUKARI NO

Imouto: YUKARI YES

Normie: What the hell is going on

Green Lesbian: Yukari said sex and Jun 404d

Normie: Yukari no

Imouto: YUKARI YES

Bottom: YUKARI YES

Top: CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT SEX ON THIS FUCKING CHAT

Jeff Bezos: did somebody say sex??

Ice Age Baby: No, but someone did say EIKICHI MISHINA BABY LETS GO

Third Wheel: shut up

Ice Age Baby: No

Sexy King: Lets talk more about sex

Jeff Bezos: yes, lets

Normie: STOP

Fuuka: Jun still hasn’t come back :-(

Sexy King: Good

Sexy King: So we’re all in agreement that Jun is the bottom right

Bottom: 100%

disaster lesbian: he can hardly hear the word sex without dying

disaster lesbian: so i think it’s pretty clear

Third Wheel: can confirm, tatsuya’s told me

Ice Age Baby: Cool! Too much information!

Jeff Bezos: okay on to yukki and maya

Green Lesbian: Feel free to guess

Green Lesbian: Maya’s writing so she’s not here to be embarrassed

Normie: YOU’RE OKAY WITH THIS

Green Lesbian: I don’t care

Bottom: you radiate top energy

Simp: Yeah you’re a top

_**Green Lesbian**_ created a poll: Do I top

_**Sharkboy**_ voted yes

 _ **Lavagirl**_ voted yes

 _ **disaster lesbian**_ voted yes

 _ **Bottom**_ voted yes

 _ **Jeff Bezos**_ voted yes

 _ **Simp**_ voted yes

 _ **Rat Bastard**_ voted yes

 _ **Imouto**_ voted yes

 _ **Third Wheel**_ voted no

 _ **Fuuka**_ voted no

 _ **Sexy King**_ voted yes

 _ **Paintsexua**_ l voted yes

 _ **Ice Age Baby**_ voted no

 _ **Samsung Galaxy S69**_ voted no

 _ **Ass Wipe**_ voted no

 _ **Beats Headphones**_ voted yes

Sharkboy: Wait how long have u been here @Aigis_Offical @Sanada.Akihik0

Samsung Galaxy S69: Long enough to get a feel of the situation

Beats Headphones: We’ve been sitting next to each other for a while now just watching the chaos unfold

Beats Headphones: It's pretty fun, actually. I'd highly recommend it

Bottom: where’s mitsuru

Samsung Galaxy S69: She’s taking a walk

Bottom: fuck i wanna see her reaction to this

Normie: I wish she was here to knock some sense into you all

Ass Wipe: I’m here too

Sexy King: Too bad nobody cares

Jeff Bezos: wait why did some of you guys vote no

Third Wheel: yukino fucking melts whenever maya does something nice for her

Ice Age Baby: ^

Ass Wipe: I just find it hard to believe that Maya would relinquish control of herself so easily

Ass Wipe: She’s probably more of a soft top, but still a top nonetheless

Samsung Galaxy S69: I can tell just from their interactions alone what they are

Samsung Galaxy S69: But it wouldn’t be fun if I just up and told you

Imouto: you voted no on the poll though

Imouto: 👀👀👀

Samsung Galaxy S69: Dammit

Rat Bastard: Dude no fucking way

Simp: Yukino’s a bottom??

Bottom: there’s no way

Third Wheel: way!,

Jeff Bezos: wait, yukino, ARE you a bottom?

disaster lesbian: i’m screaming

Lavagirl: reveal of the century

Green Lesbian: Nope!

Sharkboy: Wait what

Rat Bastard: No fuckin way

Simp: But Aigis literally knows everything? How?

Simp: You mathematically HAVE to be a bottom

Lavagirl: she’s a switch u fucking simp

Lavagirl: they’re both switches

Green Lesbian: ding ding ding ding

disaster lesbian: JDJDJDIDIID

Jeff Bezos: no fair :^(

Ice Age Baby: No way

Sexy Step Sister: Way!!

Normie: Why are all of you so okay about sharing your sexual escapades with everyone?

Bottom: bc we horny makoto shut up

disaster lesbian: ^

Normie: If your girlfriend were here she’d be bursting with anger

Third Wheel: she’s already established angry mitsuru turns her on

Sexy King: Hold on back up

Sexy King: You really top Maya?

Sexy Step Sister: Yeah! I lean more towards being a bottom, but I love both and so does Yukki

Green Lesbian: Can confirm. Source: have slept with Maya before

Bottom: i'd do a grand reveal as to who tops and who bottoms with mitsuru and i but

Sharkboy: Semi-related but you’re LOUD, we’ve all heard you begging

Normie: Seriously how does this not weird you out

Beats Headphones: You get used to it after a while

Fuuka: ^

disaster lesbian: don’t have a gf currently but i’m huge bottom oops

Paintsexual: I currently have a boyfriend and I’m a huge bottom

Jeff Bezos: press x if surprised

Lavagirl: i just want a hot girl to top :/

Sharkboy: You couldn’t date a Jun

Beats Headphones: Is he still with Tatsuya?

Third Wheel: yeah, they’re probably not gonna be online for a while lmao

Imouto: dammit

Imouto: jun’s so fun to mess with

Top: Yukari.

Ice Age Baby: Oh shit

Top: Are you serious

Bottom: s

Top: I-

Top: I’m legitimately at a loss for words

Sharkboy: Mitsuru it’s nothing we didn’t already know

Rat Bastard: Deadass, the only new info was Yukino and Maya

Top: Why are you talking about this in the first place?

disaster lesbian: bc girl hot

Sexy Step Sister: Because I have an amazing steadfast girlfriend

Green Lesbian: Because nothing bothers me anymore also I love Maya

Paintsexual: Because it seemed wrong to not contribute to the ongoing conversation

Fuuka: We can avoid the topic if it upsets you, Mitsuru

Top: I just

Top: Don’t get you guys

Bottom: i don’t either

Imouto: i don’t think any of us know

Sexy Step Sister: But that’s why we’re friends, right? <3


	2. Ryoji Mochizuki, Respecter of Women

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gahhh im sorry for taking so long to update. anyways, i had so so much fun writing this chapter, so i hope you guys enjoy!!

**Penis Music.mp4**

Lavagirl: GUYS GUESS WHAT 

Lavagirl: ITS URGENT I REPEAT ITS URGENT

Normie: What is it?

Lavagirl: JUNPEI DOESNT THINK HES A SIMP

Simp: BC IM NOT

Lavagirl: UR NAME SAYS OTHERWISE SIMP

Third Wheel: lmao gottem

Normie: Pardon me, but what is a “simp” exactly?

Paintsexual: I believe it is a man who caters to a woman’s every need and desire?

Third Wheel: okay yes and no?

Third Wheel: you cant really define a simp in words, per se, you just have to _understand_

Normie: ???

Normie: I’m still a bit confused

Lavagirl: wait hold on i know somebody who can help you better your understanding of the word

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has added_ **_SirRyojiMochizuki_ **

Lavagirl: @SirRyojiMochizuki take a look at this hottie (the one in the middle)

Lavagirl: [ hottie.png ](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/megamitensei/images/0/02/Niijima_and_Father_Wrong_Ending.png/revision/latest?cb=20200120202025)

SirRyojiMochizuki: heyyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know that I agree. although I myself am a man (i know, ugh) i am on your side. “one of the good ones” as some might say. btw i never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they’re awesome

SirRyojiMochizuki: I sincerely hope that I’m not being too forward in this request, but would you mind if I perhaps took you out to dinner sometime? I would pay, of course. Don’t worry, this is not me trying to perpetuate the stereotype that women are unable to hold jobs and are thus unable to pay for things, this is but me, a mere man, trying to allow you, a marvelous woman, a chance to save her hard earned money and instead use it to buy something in order to treat herself. For example, maybe a camisole? After all, (and I don’t mean to offend) you do have quite the lovely pair of boobies

Normie: WHAT THE FUCK

Normie: MINAKO

Normie: HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN

Normie: And as for YOU, Ryoji, I presume, I will absolutely have to decline

Normie: Never in a million years

Lavagirl: we’ve all had to go through it, so you do too sorry makoto lmao

SirRyojiMochizuki: That is indeed my name, Makoto. That’s too bad, but I completely understand. After all, women most certainly do not need a man to be happy or successful in life. That is but an expectation set on them by society, and I, for one, applaud you for choosing to rise above the misogynistic expectations that society has set for you, and all other women

SirRyojiMochizuki: However, that woman to your left in the attached photo is absolutely breathtaking. (Not to say that you, of course, are not breathtaking. All women are stunning in their own right, I apologize if that comment upset you in any way, shape, or form.) If it is not overstepping my bounds, could you perhaps give me her contact information? She appears to be a member of the workforce, and I for one believe that we as a society do not have enough women in the workforce. Even though I am a man myself (disgusting, I know) I believe that the world would be better if women ran things. Maybe the world itself would be better if men didn’t even exist. Actually, on second thought, that would mean that the women who desired to be mothers (and not all women do, of course, have such a desire) would not be able to ensure the continuation of the human race. Maybe, instead, they could pick the men that they believe would make great fathers, and in turn, choose to harvest their semen. If the woman so desired, maybe she could even have sex with a man, although he would have to be tested first to ensure that he knew how to please a woman, and would ALWAYS tend to her needs over his own. Anyways, what I’m trying to get at is that if we did live in such a world (which I hope we will soon) I believe that I would make a great sperm donor for that woman to have a baby (if she so desired), and because I am VERY good with sexually pleasing women (My penis is almost ten inches long, in fact. I don’t mean to brag, but I know that long penises can further “turn on” women, as some may choose to say. Additionally, I would not even require that she perform any acts of oral pleasure on it, although if such a desire were to well up inside of her, I most certainly would not deny a lady such a request.) I would ensure that she achieved orgasm five times minimum during our sexual intercourse, and afterwards, she would be free to throw me away, as I, the male, would have served my duty in life. In fact, I could be murdered afterwards, much like a male spider after he fertilizes the eggs of a female. Actually, speaking of spiders, did you know that the only purpose male bees serve is to fertilize the eggs of the queen and then they are thrown out? Maybe human society should take a page from that of our insect friends, who have existed much longer than we humans have, and thus are much wiser. I would be very happy for my only purpose in life to be to ensure the continuation of the human race with my semen. This message is getting rather long, but I believe that such a fact only serves to prove my point that I would make an ideal partner for the woman in the photo. Feel free to text her this message as well, I believe it shall surprise her, as there are not many men like me left in this world, unfortunately. 

Normie: I-

Third Wheel: BYGFHJIDEFBHDJIKOQEJHBVJDIPKOQBHVFNDKQVNDKM

Third Wheel: RYOJI HOW IS THIS WORSE THAN ANYTHING IVE EVER HEARD YOU SAY EVER

Paintsexual: I can’t quite come up with the words to describe what I’m feeling at this moment

Normie: THATS MY SISTER

Normie: AND NO, NEVER, NOT EVER IN ANY TIMELINE IN ANY UNIVERSE

Simp: MINAKO HOW CAN YOU CALL ME A SIMP WHEN THAT GUY FUCKING EXISTS

Lavagirl: juofhouhfhuhhuwehieg

Lavagirl: okay yeah that was SO MUCH worse than ive ever seen him but

Lavagirl: junpei you only got a girlfriend bc you simped over her

Lavagirl: “hello chidori-san, good day, chidori-san. i hope that i, junpei iori, am not being of trouble in this moment.”

Simp: Okay maybe

Simp: But come on Minako

Simp: Ryoji fucking Mochizuki is in this chat and you’re going to call ME the simp?!

Third Wheel: yeah im with junpeinis here 

Third Wheel: hes a simp, but compared to ryoji, he’s a prince

Lavagirl: fine

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_Simp_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Chidori’s Stalker_ **

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_SirRyojiMochizuki_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_King of the Simps_ **

Chidori’s Stalker: IM NOT A STALKER

Chidori’s Stalker: SHES MY GIRLFRIEND HOW TF COULD I EVEN STALK HER

Paintsexual: You still could, I just don’t know why you would

Third Wheel: i already told u guys, hes a prince, not a stalker

**_Lavagirl_ ** _has changed_ **_Chidori’s Stalker_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Chidori’s Prince_ **

Normie: Text Chidori a screenshot and see if she agrees

Chidori’s Prince: Of course she will! She loves me, after all

Lavagirl: then text her the picture, pussy

Chidori’s Prince: Fine

Chidori’s Prince: AWWWW

Chidori’s Prince: SHE SAID IT’S TRUE

Third Wheel: pics or it didn’t happen

Chidori’s Prince: [ chidorilovesme.png ](https://imgur.com/a/jFBv67P)

Third Wheel: you guys are so cute im-

Normie: Eww cute romance isn’t allowed in this chat

Normie: Stop making us jealous Junepi 

Third Wheel: agreed!! 

Paintsexual: All the couples in this chat are cute

Paintsexual: Akira and I, Tatsuya and Jun, Junpei and Chidori, Yukari and Mitsuru, Maya and Yukino, Minako and Akihiko

Lavagirl: wait im not dating akihiko

Lavagirl: im gay

Third Wheel: ur bi

Lavagirl: also @Junpeinis she said u WERE a stalker at first hahahah lol xd suck my dick

King of the Simps: That is quite an idyllic relationship, Junpei! I hope that Chidori is happy. 

King of the Simps: If you so desire, I can give you tips on how to treat her well! All women are queens, after all!

Chidori’s Prince: If she breathes

Chidori’s Prince: SHES A THOT

Lavagirl: thats still gay tho @LisaLisaLisaSilver

King of the Simps: That is NO way to treat a woman, Junpei. I’m sure that if Chidori were to hear you say that, she would be absolutely appalled. You should know better. Women are superior to men in every way, shape, and form, so you, as a man, have no right to call women something as lowly as a “thot”. I, for one, am disgusted, and I can only imagine that the women in this chat are moreso. Ladies, I apologize for Junpei’s behaviour, and I will do my best to ensure that he doesn’t use such coarse language again. 

Normie: [ ifshebreathes.mp4 ](https://youtu.be/IdyXKJ8NcNI)

Normie: Can we please just kick him from this chat already? He makes me a little uncomfortable

Lavagirl: imagine having sat next to him 

Lavagirl: consider urself fucking lucky makoto

Third Wheel: wait, hold on, back up

Third Wheel: minako, just bc ur bi doesnt mean u dont like guys

Paintsexual: If you’re bi, you HAVE to like guys in some form or another

Paintsexual: I thought you were with Akihiko, but I suppose you aren’t

Lavagirl: um

Lavagirl: im worried he’ll read this if he looks over these messages but

Lavagirl: uhh

Lavagirl: protein man, take me by the hand, lead me to the land, bet you’ll understand

Lavagirl: protein man

Lavagirl: also the land=protein man’s bed

Third Wheel: IHUOHGTHIJOPKOHYGIJK

Chidori’s Prince: BRO!!!!

Paintsexual: I suppose I was right in some manner, after all

Chidori’s Prince: Tell him how you feel!! I bet he’ll feel the same!!

Normie: You never know if you don’t try, Minako!

Lavagirl: uhh do you know how scary confrontation is

Lavagirl: no thanks

King of the Simps: The fact that you feel scared to speak to Akihiko, Minako is not a good sign. Also, such a matter shouldn’t be “confrontation” as you put it. I don’t recommend you go for Akihiko if you feel scared to talk to him, that is the sign of a horrible man. Besides, women are much better anyways. Maybe you could instead just get with a woman? If you don’t want to, I, of course, am always available to lend an ear to your struggles

Lavagirl: shut 

Lavagirl: the fuck up

Third Wheel: ryoji deadass stop it

Lavagirl: im just nervous that he might not feel the same way and that i’ll ruin our friendship

Lavagirl: but like, as gross as (straight) men are

Lavagirl: i think he’s really hot

Lavagirl: and caring

Lavagirl: and fun

Chidori’s Prince: I can talk to him and see what he thinks of you if you want

Lavagirl: uhh idk man

Normie: I mean, you two’ve been through a lot together

Normie: I bet he’s developed feelings for you over the way

Normie: After being through hell and back with somebody, you can’t just look the other way

Lavagirl: yeah, but i’ve been through hell and back with fuuka and you don’t see me falling for her

Lavagirl: so there’s no guarantee that he likes me 

Paintsexual: I suppose that that is true, but you never know for sure unless you try

Lavagirl: ik ik

Lavagirl: if you don’t mind i kinda don’t wanna talk abt this rn

Third Wheel: thats fine! im sorry for prying ;-;

Lavagirl: no no dw! its totally fine uwu

Third Wheel: so anyways

Third Wheel: [ eikichi.mp4 ](https://vreddit.cc/4y248749lho41)

Lavagirl: JOUHJIPGFTUGHIUJOI WHAT TF 

Normie: Is that… Spanish?

Paintsexual: Does he even speak Spanish?

Normie: I don’t think so?

Chidori’s Prince: Kinda goes hard though ngl

King of the Simps: ^

Lavagirl: lisa what’s the context 

Chidori’s Prince: Bro she’s offline

Lavagirl: WHAT TF

Lavagirl: YOU CANT JUST LEAVE US WITH THAT AND THEN DITCH

Paintsexual: I have many questions

Normie: I think we all do

Lavagirl: LISA SILVERMAN GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

Lavagirl: LISA 

Lavagirl: LISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact it took me over an hour to write like the first twenty lines bc i had to keep stoppping to burst into laughter at ryoji's messages ive never gotten to write a simp before and let me tell you guys it is SO much fun you have to try it
> 
> i start each chapter with an idea that i need like two-four people for, and then i use random number generators to determine who else to put into the chapter, so if you want to see any specific interactions, like mitsuru and yukino or jun and haru, lmk!


	3. Futaba and Yukari aren't allowed in this chat at the same time anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot woot! i've actually been really productive today despite disassociating like three times!!! damn two months on quarantine really do be making me go crazy lmao

**Penis Music.mp4**

King of the Simps: [ truth.png ](https://imgur.com/a/Z35T1fX)

King of the Simps: @Maya.BunBun @Yuk1.n0 @LisaLisaLisaSilver @MitsuruKirijo @YukariTakebairl @Aigis_Official @LilMissFuuka @mink.arisato @Anne_Takamaki @Niijima.Makoto @Alibaba @Haru.Floof Please read my above message, it’s very important. Thank you for your time ladies #truth #feminism #malefeminist #onthegirlsside #femalesfirst #femalesarethebettergender #girls #females #feminismfirst #womenfirst #femaleinequality #equalrights #womenarestrong 

Imouto: i’m going to kill myself 

Samsung Galaxy S69: IM SCREAMING

King of the Simps: Please don’t kill yourself, Futaba! I know that it’s hard, but trust me, women are rising up in society! 

Imouto: this fucker really doesn’t understand, does he

Top: I knew there were going to be disastrous consequences to agreeing to join this chat

Top: I’m already terrified that somebody will see the name and question me, which is the last thing I need

Bottom: [ powerfulimage.png ](https://imgur.com/a/aNTlCYb)

Bottom: @SirRyojiMochizuki^

Samsung Galaxy S69: He’s really offline now I’m-

Bottom: ive been holding onto that for awhile <3

Top: What the fuck is that Yukari

Bottom: its u and i!! <3

Top: NO IT IS NOT

Imouto: [ familyphoto.jpg ](https://imgur.com/a/q9LqcVV)

Top: NO

Samsung Galaxy S69: IM SCREAMING AGAIN

Beats Headphones: Please don’t drag me into this

Bottom: omg mitsuru our baby is already cognitive! he hasnt even been born yet this is such an achievement!! it must be the kirijo blood in him

Imouto: im so happy for you guys!! congratulations

Beats Headphones: What the fuck

Beats Headphones: I refuse to be in the chat when Yukari and Futaba are here together

Imouto: is that how you talk to ur mother

Bottom: yeah

Bottom: luckily, i forgive. mommy doesnt though, so be sure to not mess up in front of her

Bottom: unless you want to be punished

Top: Can we stop making sexual innuendos in this chat

Bottom: oh my! is that what i just did? maybe i need a punishment so i can remember not to do that next time ;-)

Top: That’s what you want, so no. If I’m to punish you, I just won’t be with you at all

Beats Headphones: I’m still here, and I’m your son

Imouto: auntie aigiiiiiiiis, my moms are being sexual in front of me!!! >:-(

Samsung Galaxy S69: Mitsuru, you make fun of everybody else for being sexual here, but you do the same thing

Top: Do you want to be executed

Bottom: yes!!

Top: YUKARI I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU

Beats Headphones: Um

Samsung Galaxy S69: Anyways, I have something important to show you guys

Bottom: oooh what is it??

Samsung Galaxy S69: I found Ryoji’s various social media accounts

Imouto: oh god oh fuck

Samsung Galaxy S69: I spent some time scrolling through them, so I figured it would be a good idea to share some highlights with you guys

Top: I’m scared

Imouto: me too

Beats Headphones: That’s probably for the best

Samsung Galaxy S69: I’m with Akihiko on this one

Samsung Galaxy S69: Anyways, here’s specimen A

Samsung Galaxy S69: [ twitter.jpg ](https://imgur.com/a/RUpegKY)

Bottom: BHJKIJPVGHIOJIPKOJV HJBIPHVHGJO

Top: Where does he get these ideas

Top: Actually, I take it back, I don’t wanna know

Beats Headphones: Please trust me when I say that all men are not like him

Imouto: dont worry, you’re living proof of that akihiko

Beats Headphones: Okay, thank god you don’t think of me as being like Ryoji

Bottom: hey mitsuru

Top: What.

Bottom: i need some pussy

Bottom: wet succulent dripping honey suckle-like sweet marinated creamy skinned smooth waxed pussy

Bottom: i shan’t even eat it, i just ponder at thy glory

Imouto: IM LOSING MY SHITR

Beats Headphones: YUKARI

Samsung Galaxy S69: On second thought, maybe it was a bad idea to do this while Yukari is here

Beats Headphones: YOU THINK

Top: YUKARI UCHIKINA TAKEBA

Bottom: ooh she’s going for the full name ;-)

Top: THIS ISNT FUCKING FUNNY

Imouto: yes it is

Bottom: yes it is

Top: FUTABA STOP ENCOURAGING HER

Imouto: haha angry mitsuru makes yukari horny

Beats Headphones: I think I might leave

Samsung Galaxy S69: Please don’t you’re the only other voice of reason 

Top: AIGIS YOU STARTED THIS

Samsung Galaxy S69: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN

Beats Headphones: Have you spoken with Yukari before?

Samsung Galaxy S69: This was just supposed to be a couple of guys and gals making fun of Ryoji

Samsung Galaxy S69: Not a group to watch Yukari get executed in real time

Bottom: ohhhh you wanna watch? kinky

Bottom: im down, mitsuru?

Top: I’m done

Top: No sex for three weeks

Bottom: ur announcing this here ;-)

Imouto: kinda kinky mitsuru

Top: STOP IT ALL OF YOU

Samsung Galaxy S69: Ummm okay okay! I also found this!!

Samsung Galaxy S69: [ youtube.png ](https://imgur.com/a/6viTBrk)

Imouto: me when i use a rubber band to hold me fucking package together

Top: I will see to it that he’s executed

Bottom: oh shit gotta work on my ryoji cosplay

Beats Headphones: Any guy that claims he has a huge dick is lying

Beats Headphones: Nobody cares about your dick size, shut the fuck up Ryoji

Imouto: wait if ppl who care abt dick size have small dicks and ppl who dont have big ones

Imouto: akhiko is fucking hung

Beats Headphones: WHAT NO I AM NOT

Bottom: yes you are

Imouto: yes you are

Imouto: i mean

Imouto: walked right into this one urself   
  


**_Imouto_ ** _has changed_ **_Beats Headphones_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Hung_ **

Top: Wait, you’re not an admin

Top: How did you do that

Imouto: mwhehehehehe

Samsung Galaxy S69: Are you really surprised Mitsuru

Hung: I’m gonna ask Minako to change it back for me just you wait

Imouto: oh she’ll keep it as is, trust me

Hung: Why would she?

Samsung Galaxy S69: Oh, by the way, Mitsuru, Yukari, you two have also been the recipients of dick pics from Ryoji, right?

Top: Unfortunately

Bottom: i will never forget that thing

Samsung Galaxy S69: Good, me too, I’ve even been lucky enough to receive some [ miscellaneous ](https://imgur.com/a/hPsdnVc) texts as [ an attempt to woo me ](https://imgur.com/a/b3qQpqX)

Samsung Galaxy S69: So, I decided to see if I could measure it using items around the photo as reference

Samsung Galaxy S69: And Akihiko is right

Imouto: bc she WANTS u to be hung

Samsung Galaxy S69: His penis is 4 inches flaccid, most likely 5 erect

Imouto: wait he sent u guys dick pics of his FLACCID PEE PEE

Bottom: GHIUYGTFUIKPJUHYGTF

Top: Not really surprised, such is average

Top: Also, those texts are disgusting

Bottom: disgusting-ly in character

Bottom: also how do u know that penis thing

Top: Do you not want to be executed

Bottom: yes

Bottom: wait shit i mean

Hung: Wait, Futaba, what do you mean by that??

Samsung Galaxy S69: Oh I almost forgot this facebook comment

Samsung Galaxy S69: [ thesegirlsjustwantedtopostaphoto.jpg ](https://imgur.com/a/MGPPv4r)

Top: Oh my god-

Samsung Galaxy S69: [ itactuallygetsworse.png ](https://imgur.com/a/V7UKett)

Bottom: EW BBBYGIGIBYBGIYBG

Top: Gross.

Hung: I apologize on behalf of all men 

Hung: And wait Futaba what do you mean by that

Imouto: WHAT TEH FUCK

Imouto: just check the chat log akhiko, u’ll see what i mean

Hung: Okay??

Bottom: i want to kill myself

Top: Please don’t

Bottom: why

Bottom: are u gonna hit me up with a “you’ll fall by my hand”

Top: ??

Bottom: are u have stupid

Imouto: yes

Bottom: good, me too

Samsung Galaxy S69: What were you talking about with Akihiko, by the by?

Imouto: oh that

Imouto: minako has a phat crush on him

Top: Wait what

Top: I thought she was gay?

Bottom: shes bi

Top: Well, all she ever talks about is girls

Samsung Galaxy S69: Well, I hope it goes well for them!

Bottom: why did she write it in the chat though? he can just go back up and read it

Imouto: oh, she said she was worried abt that, but lisa kept bugging her about it

Samsung Galaxy S69: Damn, if they get together, she has Lisa to thank

Imouto: right!?

**_Imouto_ ** _has changed_ **_Third Wheel_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Matchmaker of the Century(?)_ **

Bottom: why did u capitalize it

Imouto: idk, the rest of the nicknames are like that

Bottom: fair point ig

Hung: Why didn’t she just tell me?

Imouto: are you unable to fucking read

Imouto: she said she was scared you fucking clown

Hung: But why?

Hung: Am I really that intimidating

Samsung Galaxy S69: Not really

Bottom: ^ and im fucking mitsuru so i know my shit

Top: I-

Samsung Galaxy S69: Well, how do you feel about her, Akihiko

Hung: Oh

Hung: Um

Hung: [ This?? ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVgJsp6Fjik)

Bottom: !!!!!!!!!!

Top: That’s wonderful!

Imouto: im so happy for u guys!

Hung: Nothing is official yet

Hung: She doesn’t even know I know

Samsung Galaxy S69: Do you want her to?

Hung: I mean, yeah

Imouto: ooh, I have an idea!

Imouto: @mink.arisato

Bottom: GYIHJOHIBGVUBHIJOPOHUGVUBHIJOIKP

Hung: WAIT WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for putting so many links in this chapter but i watched a soothouse video and had An Idea so the ryoji bully party continues

**Author's Note:**

> There won’t normally be this many people!! I just wanted to introduce everybody. And I know Ryoji isn’t here he comes later


End file.
